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Now that my blog has gotten accepted to Mediavine (eeee!), I wanted to start pubishing some more personal essays and thoughts!
Stuff that would make other people laugh, buuuut doesn’t necessarily show up in any google searches. I’ll still be sharing ADVICE (maybe some creative writing… some day!), because that’s just how I roll!
My motto is, “If I had to learn it the hard way, through trial and error, I don’t want other people to have to do the same thing.” That’s kind of the whole ethos of my blog, tbqh! Sharing my experience, ideas, and thoughts to help other folks out.
Today, I’m going to share a post I’ve had for YEARS — how to get extroverts to shut up.
Specifically, how to get YOURSELF to shut up, when you’re just so GOSH DANG EXCITED!!!!! About talking, sharing the world, etc!!
How to STFU as an Extrovert
Fun fact about moi — I didn’t talk for a good few months! When doctors would check in with my mom about my ~development~ she just had to say “She’s fine! She’s going at her own pace.”
And then I started talking, and never stopped, lol.
While I love that about myself (and I do have a whole lot of self-love), it can be challenging in some respects!! Especially when I seem to just… collect introverts! Or be collected by them, as the case might be. 😉
I’ve been doing personal and professional development for YEARS, and below I”ve shared my kind of kooky tips on how to STFU as an extrovert.
Tip #1 Shutting Up as an Extrovert: Literally Mute Yourself
This first tip is perhaps a little obvious (??), but as someone who gets SO EXCITED I INTERUPT PEOPLE, I’ve learned to mute myself.
Mostly, I use this trick on Zoom, but it also works for phone calls!
I mute myself, because I can start to interrupt someone, but then I stop when I realize they can’t hear me, lol. The unmute button acts as a sort of safeguard for me.
When doing this, it’s probably a good idea to let the other person know you’re muting yourself. You don’t have to tell them the real reason WHY (I usually don’t). You can blame street construction or other things happening outside of your window.
Use that mute button, babyyyy!
Tip #2 Shutting Up as an Extrovert: Strike a Pose
The next tip for my extroverts who want to learn how to make space for other people is to quite literally strike a pose.
You know the statue, The Thinker? It’s kind of like that, only you listen with a FINGER OVER YOUR MOUTH. This is a tried and true tactic for me, baby!
Doing this acts as a sort of… leash on yourself, a reminder to STFU!
Tip #3 Shutting Up as an Extrovert: Take a Note
This might be something more for my neurodiverse besties, but something I struggle with is balancing what I want to say NEXT, while still being an active AF listener.
It’s a challenge.
So, what I do is jot down a word, ONE SINGULAR WORD, while they’re talking, to remember what I wanted to say.
Tip #4 for Shutting Up as an Extrovert: Set an Agenda
When I meet up with friends, I will often quite literally send an AGENDA. I know this sounds silly and extra, but *I* am silly and extra.
With my bestie E, I have literally sent a list of things I want to talk about when we hang out. Updates, stories, etc.
The agenda can look something like this:
- Celebrate: Mediavine acceptance!
- Discuss: Trip to Stanford, specifically, dates
- Story: Lena and my dad at PetSmart
If you’re just BURSTING with things to share, this can be a great thing to do.
Tip #5 for Shutting Up as an Extrovert: Wait 2 Beats
When talking with someone who is a careful processor or likes to ruminate on things, I’ve learned to wait TWO BEATS before talking.
When a bestie like this finishes (or I think they’ve finished) a story, I like to count out two beats on my leg or go “1 Mississippi 2 Mississippi”. Oftentimes, they weren’t done talking — they had just PAUSED.
Real talk, I only pause to collect my thoughts if I’m in some sort of disagreement. So learning to respect the space of others PAUSING has been excellent!
Tip #6 for Shutting Up as an Extrovert: Develop a SIGNAL
It really grinds my gears when an extrovert sahys something like, “Oh hahaha I always interupt people” *while* interupting someone.
Babe! Come on now!
Something that you can do with your dearly beloveds is have an Adult Talk, where you share, “Hey, sometimes, I talk over folks. I’m like the Kool-Aid man bursting through the wall. Can we develop some sort of signal, like a tap or a text that let’s me know to give you space to finish?”
I also do this with clients on Zoom! I let them know that I get it can be awkward to interupt someone, so they can use the chat feature to let me know to SLOOOOOW DOWWWWWN PARTNER, if they have a question, need a body break, etc.
Tip #7 for Shutting Up as an Extrovert: TIMER
Ok, so to be frank, I’ve never used this — but I think it’s so cool. The timer “Let Women Talk” can be used in meetings to make sure women and other historically excluded groups can TALK.
You could use this kind of timer if you feel self-conscious about talking too much.
I’ve communicated this worry to my people, and it’s actuallyyyyyyy come out that I deflect and do my darnedest not to talk.
More Emotional Growth & Development
I hope that this blog post gave you some ideas on how to communicate as an excitable extrovert. Below, I ‘ve shared some other posts with tips for emotional intelligence and communication just like this:
- 13+ Sentences That Will Make You a Better Communicator – Emotional Intelligence FTW
- Freelancers! Here’s How to Communicate a Rate Increase
- How to Write a LinkedIn Recommendation – My Scripts!
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