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I’ve been wanting to write more blog posts about faith and spirituality, but every time I do I just start CRYING.
I am a crier.
I’m one of those people who cries ALWAYS. On an emotional scale from 1-10, I’m crying if I’m below a 4 or above a 7.
And I don’t think it’s a bad thing to cry, it just, you know, makes it hard to see my screen as I write.
Personal Faith & Being Super Queer
I wanted to share a little sunshine and hope during this, well, pretty dark time. So below I’ve shared how my self-created personal faith is helping me get through all of this.
*gestures to the world*
Yeah, I Pray!
I was raised Mormon, and I came out when I was around 20 years old (that whole story here). Being in the LGBT community at first was a relief, but it was also painful when it came to being a ~spiritual~ person. Everyone I met, upon learning of my queerness, just kind of assumed I was an atheist. Or agnostic.
A La Carte Religion
Over the years, I’ve read a lot of woo and metaphysical books, engaged in Christianity and a whole lote of witchery and pagan philosophies.
I’ve created a sort of a la carte religion, pulling from my background and incorporating what works. I try to stay away from “That White Girl” territory, by avoiding cultural appropriation and doing my best to view my faith objectively (even though faith isn’t objective, but you get me).
Your Own Faith & Rituals
I think of religion as a way to connect with The Divine. It can be hard to pull your brain out of day-to-day living, so various religions popped up to help us do that.
Things like sacraments, specific prayers, etc, all with an end goal (mostly) of helping us connect to a divine love. Call it God, Source Energy, The Universe, whatever. That’s where I think religion fits in.
And, for a lot of us, existing religious institutions don’t quite hit the mark.
But you know what? You can create your own.
Below, i’ve shared some of my spiritual practices, followed byl a heartfelt prayer for you in this time.
Talking to God (or.. whatever it’s called)
I pray aloud as I drive. I don’t know what it is about driving or cars, but I talk aloud to God (or “The Universe”) as I drive. I usually have my Apple headphones in, so I feel less self-conscious at stoplights.
There’s definitely a Calvinist flavor to my prayers. I usually show up and ask for guidance when I have done everything I can think of, and I’m stuck.
“Okayyyy, y’all. I’ve done just about everything I can think of, so I’m going to need you to do some BTS magic to make this happen.”
Listening to Promptings
In Mormonism (hi mom!), they talk a lot about the Holy Spirit or the “Still Small Voice.”
For me, it’s like… being tuned into a radio frequency. Sometimes ideas and nudges to act come through clear, and other times I’m not 100% sure – and I just do the thing anyways.
This is anything from changing lanes on the freeway to calling a friend to… just creating positive change. As an anxiety-weirdo, it’s sometimes hard for to separate out being an anxious freak and spiritual guidance.
I’ve learned to tell the difference by how my body is feeling. If I’m being overly anxious about whether or not to do something, I’ll feel it in my throat constricting. In my tense shoulder blades. In a clenched gut.
Spiritual promptings are more of a nudge. Like, “Hey, I’m here. Do you want to listen to me?’ To be honest, it often causes me to be annoyed. Like “What NOW do you want?”
I’m really enlightened, y’all. 😉
In my home, I have an altar. It has mementos from friends, pictures of family, a lot of rocks and crystals (hi, i’m a witch), etc.
This is where I go to find peace and inner stillness.
Our environment acts as a signal to our brains and our bodies. Having a physical space to connect is important to me to center myself.
Ritual: Burning Letters to Myself
I have a hard time letting go. I am the QUEEN of grudges, a kingdom, which, actually isn’t very fun.
I often write out letters to myself where I process ill feelings about a situation, person, etc. And then literally burn them. I tear the letters into tiny pieces, and then light those pieces on fire with a candle.
I do this outside away from smoke alarms, and I sometimes wonder if my neighbors see me from their deck, lol.
Letters of Creation
I also write letters as part of the creative or manifestation process for my dreams. I write about founding successful companies. Having an atelier. Writing books. The car I want to drive.
And as I light those letters on fire, I light a fire within.
^ That is so cheesy, but it’s true.
Overall, I feel connected to a Source of Divine Love. I’m not a Christian, but I think this is what Christ and other spiritual teachers have embodied in their time on earth.
There’s a direct line to the universe, and I think that every individual has immediate and powerful access to it – no religious order or spiritual official needed.
A Prayer for a Pandemic
I’ve been thinking about this prayer for a long time, so here you go:
I pray for your resiliency to be shored up
I pray that you find your reserve of strength, of grit, replenished each morning.
I pray that whatever situation you find yourself in, you know you are not alone. You know that you are loved.
I pray that you accept your lack of control over the large things, and act decisively within what you can control.
I pray that every day you find stories of love and community that lift your heart
I pray that you trust yourself, and do what it is best for your Self.
Thank you for reading.